"Let's talk about Death baby, lets talk about you and me..."
In my mind I sing that phrase to the Salt n Pepper classic, Let’s talk about Sex.
Interestingly, when that song was released we were all a bit prudish about sex. It was released in 1991, during the time of the Aids endemic, when the need for discourse around safe sex was at an all time high.
In an interview in 2021, Salt remarked that not talking about sex because the subject was “taboo” resulted in a poor understanding and "trouble" in her future.
I think we should consider conversation about death in a similar way. Currently we don’t talk about it because it too is taboo or can make people uncomfortable, but mainly I think it is because we don’t know how to talk about it. Many of the terms and language around death are foreign to us, until it is right on our doorstep. Enduring Guardian; Advanced Care Directive; Palliative Care; Death Certificate; Intestate; Probate - terms we have heard probably, but often don't understand what they mean or what the implications are.
In a previous life I worked in the wine industry. My knowledge and comprehension of wine was sufficient and as a sales person I was able to articulate wine characteristics and processes. Friends would often say, “wow, I wish I could get wine the way you do”, but what they really lacked was the terminology. They “got” wine as well as I did, they knew what they liked and why they liked it, but they simply didn’t have the words or language to help them articulate their feelings or wine experience.
Language is a powerful tool. Being able to use the relevant terminology to explain what you want or feel is half the battle.
Let’s talk about the death of death literacy is an interesting article on why we may not be so literate about death, although I’m not sure that I share the same “death anxiety” as the author. Additionally, the article references a TED talk by Alua Arthur, a death doula, who has an interesting take on why we should be well versed in the concept of death.
There are some great Ted Talks on the subject of death, which I think are relevant and engaging – a few of these are already on my Facebook page.
I think we need to familiarise ourselves with the language around death, and in doing so make it easier to talk about our end of life, with the people that matter. Importantly, I think we should do this sooner rather than later. In my experience, and from the people I have spoken with, it is most difficult to talk about the finality of your life when it is precariously close. These discussions are easier and more light hearted when the idea of death still seems like something in the far distance. So, Let's talk about death baby! Sing it folks - SnP style!
I'm building a little glossary of terms, that (hopefully) will help us wrap our heads around the language associated with the end of life process. I have complied a small list which I will add to over time. If you have any terms that you think should be included please flick me a message and I'll add to the glossary.
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